Making Time Matter

One of the Arkansas Natives I Saw

I do my very best to stay content here in the California high desert despite an unsettled heart.  I know I don't belong here anymore, but at the same time I know there's a reason for being here.  Life is short and I try and make every day matter.  I'm grateful for the tomatoes I picked today, the off leash walk with my dogs, the desert sunset, and the clients I saw in my private practice.  I'm grateful for the small desert homesteaded cabin from the 1950's we've restored and the 5 acres around me.  And I'm grateful for a whole lot more!  I try not to focus on what I'm discontent with and instead turn my energy toward hope and gratitude.  I do what I can with what I have today and try and create a better tomorrow.  This struggle is not mine alone, I know!  We all battle with discontent to some degree.  Some settle and resign to it dropping anchor where they are in life, some blot out the moment with malcontent and others try and strike a balance.  Looking forward helps me in the moment.  I look forward to moving to Arkansas, floating the rivers, having a beautiful organic garden, my horse on pasture, water from a well, and the sound of nature instead of the sound of cars, stereos, parties, motorcycles, etc.  Sound really carries in the desert and ironically, I've found that many people come out to the desert to escape - not to escape the city but to escape, period.  And, they often don't appreciate or respect the quiet and the nature unique to the desert.  Many folks come here because they have no where else to go.  With hope and gratitude comes a softer heart and for me, excitement.  I'm very excited about life.  I'm excited about this moment, tomorrow and my dreams for the future.  Hope, gratitude, excitement.  And Love.  A love for my life, the land and all it does.  I'm grateful for the land.  It works hard for me.  I'm grateful for animals.  Although I'm vegan, they sacrifice for us.  I try and thank God, thank the land and the animals every day.  I haven't forgotten people.  Although I get worried, I still have hope.  So, off I hope I soon go to find a true community of friends and neighbors.