Gathering of Loose Ends

It's getting harder to stay patient and remain content here in the desert.  Got another wave of the "doldrums" and it's a pretty strong attack.  We thought we had a house that might have been a real possibility in Arkansas.  6 acres, nice big home built by an artist, guest cabin, pond, pasture.  It is a repo, needs some work which we can do and was going for a great price.  But, this morning found out it is right on the highway there.  Steep land and busy roads are deal breakers for us.  We are not going to move half way across the country in search of peace and quiet to hear the rush of cars all day.

Time in the summer seems to move slower here in the desert.  Sometimes it barely has a pulse.  I'm a very upbeat, motivated person and extremely positive, but when these waves hit me I become more pessimistic.  I still own a house here that needs a bit of work and will most likely not sell because of the poor real estate market.  The thought of actually getting all my belongings, including cars, horse, and dogs moved to another state seems like fantasy sometimes.  Loose ends seem like they will forever be loose.  For whatever reason, certain days can wreck havoc on my state of mind and life doesnt' feel like my own.  On good days, I know that all the obstacles can be worked around such as finding someone to tend to my home when I move, use it as a weekend vacation rental for Joshua Tree National Park visitors and working a few more hours than I would really want to in a week to pay for the mortgage until the market rebounds.  But, a negative attitude can grow like fungus if one is not careful.

I hesitate to put up these types of posts, but I want my blog to be honest and real.  I could create the happy, idyllic picture of me in the desert planning my move to a beautiful homestead in the Ozarks, but it doesn't always feel that way.  Most days, they do feel that upbeat and hopeful, but some days I feel the weight of a heavy force that we all carry at one time or another.  I figure it will help me to put it down in writing and I hope that someone enjoys reading though my journey without thinking it's too narcissistic.  The desert can be a lonely place and I love being able to connect through this medium. 

So, today, I'll work on gathering those loose ends that brush away hope and childlike enthusiasm.  I do know that feelings and moods shift and bend and rarely stay for very long without some alteration.  But, they can do a little damage at a time if not careful.  Kind of like termites invading the spirit - you can't let them remain or they could do some structural damage.